How to Stop “Wining”, After Divorce

Written by Author and Life Coach, Angela Aja


I have always loved food and cooking. I was raised to be a “foodie” before being a “foodie” was even a thing. Something was stirring inside of me. Raising four kids had been a full time job. All of the kids were in school and I was ready to venture out and do something for myself; something that I was passionate about. One day, I journeyed out to visit a few of the local cooking schools. When I entered through the doors of Le Cordon Bleu Texas Culinary Academy in Austin, Texas, it was as if I was walking through the pearly gates. I could hear the angels singing as I crossed the threshold. I had just entered “foodie heaven”. My heart was pounding with excitement as I walked down the hall and saw all of the students and instructors dressed in chef coats and chef hats. The sweet and savory aromas that filled the air triggered my saliva glands, as if I was Pavlov’s dog, and my mouth watered uncontrollably.  I had found my tribe, my people; I was home.

During my time there, one of my required classes was a wine pairing class. We had to get to know the different types of wine and how they paired with certain foods. My teacher was a robust woman with short, blonde hair. Every day she wore a blouse, skirt and pantyhose that usually had a run in them. When we arrived in class, she would kick off her heels and begin to prance around the room, talking about the wines as if they were her many lovers. She was quite a character. But, I remember one lesson so well, as she talked about the part that the soil plays in the quality of the grapes.


Lessons from the Vineyard


The Quality of the Soil Affects the Character of the Wine

The quality of the soil affects the character of the wine. (It’s not what you think!)  Actually, the worse the soil, the better the crops grow. There was certain varietal of grapes that were brought over from Europe. When they first brought these vines over from Europe, they placed them in perfect soil, perfect temperature, and perfect conditions and the vines didn’t produce fruit. They were later planted in soil that had less than perfect conditions. These vines began to thrive as a result of being in less than perfect conditions.


After my divorce, as is usually the case, I was re-planted in less than perfect conditions. I had gone from a beautiful, Texas ranch-style home to an apartment with my children with nothing more than an entry table, TV and a computer. We slept on the floor, ate on the floor, and played “Yahtzee” on the floor to pass the time. Never having worked outside of the home, I was faced with the brutal reality of being the bread winner for my family. Even though these less than perfect conditions seemed hard at the time, looking back, I can now see that my character was strengthened and those times became the groundwork for miracles and mega-growth in my life.


If you don’t like the conditions of your soil, don’t “wine” about it. Acquiesce to your current circumstances and get the most out of your present sufferings. Let the essence of transformation take root and bring about your best crop ever!


The Best Soil Isn’t Perfect Soil

The best soil is gravelly, rocky and porous because the water runs through the soil and the roots are forced to CHASE the water. I have to be honest with you…before the drama ensued that caused my divorce, my life was pretty easy. I had deep roots but I had never been in a situation where I had to CHASE my purpose. Once I was on my own, I became very aware that I had created my identity around a man and his purpose, never chasing after my own destiny.


The rocky, gravelly conditions of my newly single life caused my roots to go in hot pursuit of destiny and run hard, with persistence, after the purpose that God had planted inside of me from before I was in my mother’s womb. No matter what the condition of your current soil is, don’t “wine” about it! Be determined to discover your true identity, God-given purpose and pursue your destiny like never before. It’s in this place that you will find, true joy, fulfillment and significance.


Stress Can Bring Out Your Best

Vineyards that are stressed by environmental conditions produce more flavorful grapes. Divorce has a way of adding stress to everyday life. If you feel stressed and overwhelmed, just know that it can be an opportunity for the depth of your flavor to be enhanced. The struggle enhances your strength.


Leaves Don’t Produce Fruit

If the vineyard has all of the sunlight, water, and rich, dark soil, it will just produce leaves.  It is the struggle that allows the vine to produce fruit.  Fruit is the result of mental, physical and spiritual action. Fruit represents our character, our productivity, our actions, our accomplishments, our authenticity and living out our purpose. Leaves represent a life of unproductive inaction.


If you look around and it seems like other people have been planted in rich, dark soil and the sun is shining on them all day long, don’t “wine” about it! Let gratitude swell up in your heart for your less than perfect conditions because you have an opportunity to produce a big, bountiful harvest.


Your Dormant Season is Preparation for a Fruitful Harvest

Grapevines are deciduous; they lose their leaves in the fall and go dormant in the winter. This point right here makes me want to jump and shout! The dormancy creates an annual cycle.  This is a time when no green tissue is being produced and no photosynthesis is taking place. Vines are pruned in the winter season. This is a season of rest just before the fruit begins pop.  Even in nature, a butterfly spends time hidden away in the cocoon just before it emerges as a butterfly.


If you have been through the night season of your soul, after divorce, don’t “wine” about it! Don’t despair! Life isn’t over, it’s just transforming you. Even in your darkest moments, embrace your deciduous, dormant season. Value the season of rest right before your fruit begins to pop! And lastly, don’t let anyone judge you when you are in your deciduous seasons of pruning. Just because it doesn’t look like anything is happening, transformation is taking place.


I remember a corny joke that I once heard…and yes, I even laughed at it.


“What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it? Nothing…it just let out a little wine.”


Being stepped on by an elephant is a good description of what divorce feels like. But just like the grape, it was the pressure that brought out all of the goodness that was inside. If you’ve been through a divorce, don’t “wine” about it. Embrace your less than perfect conditions and go through your deciduous season so that old mindsets and patterns can be pruned away and get ready for your fruit to start poppin’!


If you have gone through the painful events associated with divorce, I’ve been in your shoes. If you have felt abandoned, rejected and isolated, I get it! If you’ve been through an identity crisis of epic proportions because of a devastating divorce, me too! If you are looking for clarity, confidence, and the feeling that you finally have command of your life, let’s talk! You can LIVE WHOLE – After Divorce.


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