Post Divorce Head Noise
1. Dating again commentary
Well-meaning friends and family may encourage you to “get back out there” and start dating again. They may even start looking for suitable mates for you. It’s almost as if you are expected to date again – and do it right now! As if being single for a phase of your life, or the rest of your life, is not enough. It is enough if you want it to be! Certainly, if you are not ready, then take it easy. You will be ready when you are ready. I recommend creating a standard response to such inquiries and after stating the response, change the subject. This will help you navigate this almost expected topic as you emerge into this new phase of your life.
2. Trust yourself
You have made it this far. You can do this!! Feel good about the good decisions you have made along the divorce path and find strength in what you have done right. That inner voice is your guide, follow it and feel good about it. Take any small steps you can to trust your instincts again and believe in yourself. After my divorce I made a list of good things I received from my very painful divorce process. The list was much longer than I had anticipated. Start there and maybe take some time to reflect on what you are proud of and your strengths.
3. It’s okay to be scared
Honestly, who isn’t afraid? It means you’re human, but it doesn’t mean you’re not going to be OK. Your fear can actually move you forward and push you to learn new things that you never dreamed you could learn. You just walked through a huge life change. It is scary and that is okay!!
4. Get professional help
You just walked through a MAJOR life change. Now you are starting fresh. You likely are tasked with new endeavors and responsibilities. If you are starting in an area you have very little knowledge in, get professional help. The money you spend on a professional can pay off two fold with the advice you receive. Never completed your own tax return? This is the year to hire a CPA. Not much investment experience? It is wise to seek counsel from an investment advisor. Concerned about cash flow and having enough to live on for your life? Not sure how much income you need to make? A financial planner/investment advisor is a very good idea right now. Feeling a lot of anxiety or having a hard time making decisions? This is a great time to be in professional counseling. Not sure what to do with your career or where to start over in a new career? Talk to your local community college or look to networking in your area to make connections with a professional head hunter. This is the time to spend money wisely on professional counsel so you take the right steps to secure your financial and emotional future.
5. One Year
Over the years I have walked many women through the divorce process and watched them bloom on the other side. I have found the first few months after divorce are the hardest usually. The first holiday season is also tough. In general, the first year is a year of learning, growth and becoming a new person. However, I have seen time and time again women who walked through the divorce don’t recognize themselves a year later. They have recreated themselves. They feel more confident, better about themselves and dare I say, sometimes even grateful for the divorce. Just wait. Give it a year and you could very well be so surprised at how strong you have become and how much happier you are.
Don’t Give Up
I want you to know you’re not alone. We are here for you and we get it, we have walked that path ourselves.
If you would more support and want to speak with one of our team members here at Divorce Recovery for Women, please schedule your 30 minute complimentary consultation today.